Bill O'Reilly, You Are Dead Ass Wrong

I have a confession to make: I watch Fox News. Now, before you snatch away my liberal card, tear the Obama 2012 shirt off my back and thrust a poorly crafted Tea Party sign into my hand, let me explain a bit further. I do not by any means watch Fox on a regular basis and, honestly, I only watch until my retinas begin to burn and I can sense my IQ dropping point by point. There have been moments, though, where I have watched long enough and become enraged enough that my husband actually has to pry the remote from my hand and gently steer me towards the Food Network or perhaps a rerun of Hoarders.

I watch Fox news for three distinct purposes. First, I think it is hypocritical to critique something you have no first-hand knowledge of. Second, I watch to get some insight into what the other side is up to (something of a recon mission). And finally, I watch because I suffer from dangerously low blood pressure and a bit of Hannity always does the trick by raising my B/P a good dozen points. Okay, I am kidding about the third reason…kinda.

Which leads me to this blog and what my newest plan is for you, my dedicated readers. I am volunteering, kind lady that I am, to take a bullet for you and let you know what is happening over in the world of Fox. And every so often I will distill what I have learned and will share it with you, again via this blog, in a segment now known as “(Fill in moronic person on Fox), You Are Dead Ass Wrong”.   Methinks I will have a wealth of material and this river of un-knowledge will never run dry. Talk about blog security!

First up: Bill O’Reilly

Last week I watch a segment with Bill O’Reilly, Alan Colmes and an un-named, but kind of cute, brunette and bespectacled Ann Coulter wannabe. The topic of discussion was the legislation that mandates that health insurance carriers now cover birth control. This topic immediately piqued my interest as I am a former health insurance administrator and thus have a bit of inside information that Bill O’Reilly and his pack of fools may be lacking.

BOR immediately started flapping his arms like a crazed pigeon in Times Square and squawking about this outrage. I am paraphrasing, but this is essentially what he was saying: “This is ridiculous! This is more government oppression! This means that every single one of us, including my fat cat ass, will have to pay more in insurance premiums! Squawk! Squawk!”.

Poor Bill. Poor idiotic, ill informed, needs-to-buy-a-calculator (to replace his abacus) Bill O’Reilly. Allow me to crunch some numbers for you…

Cost of a healthy yet unplanned pregnancy: $10,000

Cost of birth control pills: $20/month

Therefore, for every one unplanned pregnancy you can purchase 500 months of pills…or, 42 years. Of course, this does not include the expense of a less than healthy pregnancy, neonatology expenses, the medical cost of the child itself and all related costs for an “unwanted” child (read: Medicaid, reduced lunch program, WIC, etc).

You seem like intelligent and thoughtful readers, so you tell me: Which is more cost effective? The obvious answer is the birth control pills.

But let me also let you in on a little secret, Bill O’Reilly and similar morons…You are already paying for the birth control pills. You see, for many decades most health insurance carriers did not pay for birth control pills when they were prescribed for contraceptive purposes. However, they would pay for them if the physician listed as a diagnosis something along the lines of Dysmenorrhea, Polycystic Ovaries, or some other related gynecological issue. Yes, as a courtesy to their female patients physicians would game the system in order to make sure that birth control pills were covered by women who wanted them. These physicians knew that offering someone birth control is always much wiser than risking an unintended pregnancy.

Here is another little tidbit for you about the expense of birth control pills. Health insurance carriers have cooperative agreements with both pharmacies and pharmaceutical companies. This means that what may cost an uninsured individual $20 at the local pharmacy will cost Humana, Aetna or Anthem only $7. However, the average copay for medications is $20-30. Therefore, not only has the member themselves actually paid for the full cost of the medication, but your local Walgreens or Rite-Aid is making a fair profit as well and plays into the aforementioned cooperative agreement.

Of course, I don’t expect Bill O’Reilly to know this. Frankly, I am shocked he knows anything including how to tie his own shoes. But I assume that he has interns or assistants or some other helpful staff in order to educate him so that he does not appear foolish to viewers. My only explanation for why this does not occur is that (a) These staff members are actually, ha ha ha, staunch liberals or (b) They are just as dim at BOR himself (I am leaning towards the second option).

In any case, I conclude with only these seven words: Bill O’Reilly, You Are Dead Ass Wrong